I posted this on my facebook page as my New Years Resolution.....
My "resolution" this year ~ To love like He does, serve like He did. Complain less, talk positively about others, reserve judgment, see people for their potential, reach out to the hurting, to love like crazy and live for others. Lord, help me to love others like I love my Hannah. To love like you love me. Help me not to take a minute for granted, help me to LIVE and LOVE like you do. Give me... the passion, strength, and courage to be drastic, serve others, and to really make a difference. I want to be different, Lord! I want to be the opptosite of what so many have come to hate about "Christians". I don't want to be judmental, negative, hopeless, hypocritical, or stingy. Lord, give me ideas, inspiration, and the ability to be who you are calling me to be....to be the hands and feet of Jesus to a hurting world. I want to help bring Your water to a dry and thirsty land. A light in the darkness. I want to share hope with the hopeless. I want to show my little girl what it means to be a true follower of Christ, a disciple. I don't want to be a hatemonger, a fearmonger, or a hypocrite. I want to love unconditionally, serve without expectation, give generously. I want to live like my money is not mine, my things are not mine, my life is not mine. Please help me to be the wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, nurse, and person you've called me to be. NO MORE EXCUSES!! NO MORE WAITING!! Your love is overwhelming. The hope you offer is priceless. Your good news is too awesome not to share. I want to live and love like Jesus. Give me Your eyes and heart. Here I am Lord, send me!!
All that is true. That is the person I want to be, that I desire to be. The problem is, all that is not who I am. My flesh is ridiculously weak!!! I posted that and left for work. That night was a rough one. Most nurses know that sometimes, your shifts on the hall can be HARD. Physically, mentally, emotionally....just HARD. Well, it turns out that the first night of 2012 was just that! I had one paitent in particular that, (thanks to HIPAA) I'll call "Miss Faith". I've known Miss Faith for a while. Super sweet lady, with a super sweet family. I <3 her! Unfortunately Miss Faith has had more than a minor change in mental status. Confused doesn't even begin to describe her. I swear if I went in her room once, I went 2 dozen (no exaggeration). In her confused state Miss Faith was a handful. She pulled her IV out 3 times, unhooked and threw important medical equipment in the floor, unspiked one of her IV bags and put the tubing in her cup of water!! ALL NIGHT LONG I wrestled with Miss Faith. Around 6:15 I went to check on her and found her naked, with her heart monitor pulled off and out of the wall, and bleeding from yet another pulled out IV site!! UGH!! I'd had it!! "Miss Faith....we've talked about this!! You can't keep doing this!! I'm trying my best to take care of you and you're doing nothing but making it way harder than it should be. Can't you just listen to me!!!" I cleaned her up, started another IV, and reported her off to day shift!! I was done (atleast for 12 hours) with Miss Faith.
As I was saying my prayers before bed, I had one of those "ah ha moments". The ones where you can almost audibly hear the Lord speaking to you! My night hadn't been just another night shift....there was a lesson in it for me. I've admitted my flesh is weak, and my resolution really is the person I want to be. God allowed me to have my night with Miss Faith to teach me a lesson. Am I not just like Miss Faith? Continually, over and over again, screwing things up, when the Lord is trying his best to take care of me. I keep fighting, messing, pulling, and tugging, making it harder than it needs to be!!!! You see, the difference is Jesus hasn't lost his patience with me, and he hasn't reported me off yet. As I was praying, I heard Him loud and clear. Proof positive, that the Lord can and will use what we think are our day to day lives to teach us, if we're just receptive to the lesson! Alright Lord.....message received!! :)
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